It was raining when I woke up this morning so instead of walking the dogs as planned, I laid in bed, which was nice and probably good for me. We had breakfast with our Papa and drove to baby gymnastics as the roads still seemed wet, but again, it was probably good because I have been pretty exhausted lately and am wondering if cycling is on its way out the door for me. Baby gymnastics was fun, as usual, and the Chai Tea that followed with Jill, Lana and their respective kids was incredibly fun and relaxing, as usual. I just feel like everything flows out of me. We dont talk about much, sometimes we just have to fuss over our children, but it takes me to a relaxing place that nothing else seems to. We then walked over to the Pumpkin Patch at St. Peters church with Jill and Collier and played in the pumpkins for a while.
After lunch, I tried to get Henry to nap a little earlier than usual because we had to be at the Chapel for 4pm. You guessed it, he wouldnt nap. I gave him some Tylenol as it seems that unlike all of his other teeth, which caused him no problems at all, the canines are proving problematic. He still didnt sleep. I left him talking to himself for 1.5 hours before giving up. I plopped him in the stroller and off we walked. Now consider that I have been having a pretty rough time with my tummy lately, I think its Braxton Hicks. So walking with Henry trying to get him to sleep was making the stomach cramps worse until I had worked myself up into a worried frenzy and still H was not asleep. So we stopped at Holli's for a scoop of butter pecan ice cream and some chocolate covered animal crackers and we walked on. Eventually at around 340 he fell asleep and my cramps continued. Jonathan was kind enough to walk him around asleep while I went to the Memorial Service for Kevser. Sitting down and drinking water made the cramps go away and the baby woke up and started kicking, so all is well with the bump again.
The Memorial Service was bearable, right until Yavuz thanked everyone for being there and said that she had taken a part of him away, but that it was ok, because she had left a part of herself with him. At this my tears flowed.
Im tired. H isnt feeling good and Im sure will wake up screaming in pain again like he did last night and we will have to hold him for an hour or so until he feels well enough to go back to sleep. And exhausted, I shall wake up tomorrow and do it all again.
Does anyone have any good news for me? Its not like me to feel like this, so Im not quite sure how to get these blues to go away, but they need to because being sad is tiring and its just not me.
Being sad is tiring, but sometimes, we just have to let ourselves be sad. Doesn't do a whole lot of good to bottle up or hide away feelings - they'll just bubble up again later. Let yourself be sad for as long as you need to - you've been through quite a lot. And call if you need a friend.
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